coming back from Thailand was difficult. my newfound sense of renewal quickly faded as i was met face-to-face with my past virtually and in my everyday life.

but you know what they say about arrows? they need to be pulled back before moving forward.

and let me tell ya, i was pulled into in a dark, deep pit.

i found myself neglecting the rituals i wanted to set into place and clung onto feelings rather than living in my body. once again, i found myself placing others before me.

my body did not trust my mind, nor did it trust my inner self. my body was acting in ways my mind did not want me to. i allowed my surroundings to dictate how i felt. through this distrust of self, i expelled a sense of distrust to the one person i’ve been wanting to trust. it just wasn’t the right time…

I spent a couple months slumped, soul searching once again, feeling these low feelings and thoughts, trying to control things around me.

it wasn’t up until someone was finally able to listen and see me. a beautiful mirror. they suggested a route that was familiar to me, something to get me back on track and moving forward.

i was reminded of the renewal i felt in Thailand, but this time, with tangible, accessible tools to utilize in my everyday life. i felt lighter. i felt a release. i felt space open up within.

the previously mentioned distrust of self wasn’t fully acknowledged until this renewal. as i look back, i realized that i was acting in ways i was feeling inside: i was closed up, unable to trust myself, unable to see my worth, and continually living in fear.

it wasn’t until i shone a light in the darkest areas of my soul, was i able to emerge a lighter version of myself.

lessons are presented to us over and over again until we finally get the message. this is my lifelong work: putting to rest the feelings of unworthiness/self-sabotage, fear of being criticized through self-expression; and constantly reminding myself that i am a desirable, powerful boss, i am open and connected and grounded, i am authentic and intuitive and sensitive.