growth is a funny thing. 

just as with grief, there are stages. 

i swayed through stages of anger and acceptance, and i’ve begun to intertwine love between the two. 

i felt angry at the way people were, the reality they chose to live in, wanting so badly to figure out why and how they became the way they are and what keeps them there.  

i then grew into acceptance, acceptance that some people are only capable of meeting me as deep as they’ve met themselves, knowing full and well that who they are is out of my control, and the only thing i have control over is myself. 

as i move into love, i show nothing but love to myself, therefore having no choice but to show nothing but love towards others, holding out on the hope that my love will somehow touch them in ways unseeable to the human eye. 

as i move into love, i shed layers of self-limiting beliefs. i no longer feel unworthy, i no longer think i am incapable. i believe in myself. i know my worth. i know my thoughts, words, and ideas are worth seeing and hearing – i have invested in myself. because i am worth it. and with gratitude and confidence, i am fully surrendering to the path that will show itself to me. 

“But when we fully lay down the old, familiar life or mind and start creating the new, there is a moment between the two worlds that is bereft of anything we know, and most rush back from this void to the familiar. That place of uncertainty—the unknown—is what the maverick, the mystic, and the saint know to be fertile ground.

To live in the realm of the unpredictable is to be all potentials at once. Can you become comfortable in this empty space? If you can, you are at the nexus of a great creative power, the “I am.””

Joe Dispenza

before all this, i felt like a seed: stuck inside this shell, this loop, the programming that i was fed. i woke up. stopped that cycle. and hatched into a larvae.

for the past few months, i’ve been in preparation mode, “eating and absorbing and collecting” all the tools needed for the next stage: the pupa, where i will begin to spin the fabrics of my new being to form my new set of wings. the crysalis stage where i take allll of it and just NOURISH myself.